1. Chloe: “Oh puleeeze. As if we were jealous or something when we saw this sourfaced downerpussy hogging the latest cover of New York magazine, complete with a story about Ben Lashes, the Magical Meme Manager who has turned Grumpy Cat into a whorishly commercialized bit of consumer detritus. Let me tell you something about Ben Lashes that I learned from this article: He wears a fedora. Nothing good has ever come from a man wearing a fedora. And as for the cat in question, I’m sorry: You can sell Grumpy Cat condoms, Grumpy Cat debit cards, Grumpy Cat marijuana lollipops, but true empires are not built on the accidentally humorous facial expressions of animals who probably haven’t read a book in the past six months.”